Strong Body ♥ Strong Heart

If we put the care of our bodies first, we would experience a revolution.

By care I don’t mean an obsession with aesthetics motivated by narrow, arbitrary cultural ideals, or an obsession with performance motivated by ego, or an obsession with health motivated by the fear of death.

By care I mean a genuine reckoning with the ways in which our culture increasingly lures us away from the direct experience of our physical reality and into mental constructs and fantasies. We believe that it is our mind where real life happens and that our bodies are simply objects to carry our brain around from place to place.

But your body is not an object. Your body is your human experience. Your body is you. Your body is your life.

Care means healing the chasm and coming home.

If this seems like woo-woo philosophy with no real world consequences, I invite you to perform this simple exercise:

Step 1

As you go about your day, can you catch yourself on a train of thoughts? Maybe you’re making a to-do list, having a conversation with somebody who’s not there, playing your fears and worries on repeat or fantasizing about how you’d like your life to be different.

Step 2

Come into the moment. Notice your breath. Feel your feet on the ground. If you are sitting, feel the parts of your body that are touching the chair.

Step 3

Orient yourself to the world around you. Spend 1 minute looking and truly seeing what’s around you. Notice objects, people, elements of the natural world. Absorb the details of color and texture, expression and movement. Engage your other senses. What do you hear? Smell? Does this moment have a taste? What are the physical sensations in your body? What are your emotions?

Step 4

Reflect. How many times a day can you catch yourself on your thought train? How much time do you spend living inside your ideas? How much time do you spend consciously engaging with the physicality of the immediate moment?

Step 5

Repeat daily, often.


Try it. Report back. I’d love to hear what you discover!


Those with hearts wide open
Fast forever friends
Easy laughers
Loud voices who know when to
be quiet and can sit silent with ease

The sleeve-roller-uppers
The what-needs-to-be-done-doers

Diplomatic, extroverted, truth-telling loners
with smile lines and wicked minds

The perspective seekers

Moon gazing skinny dippers who
take nothing personally
but feel it all and
let it go

My people


I call this The Magical Life Equation: Proper Mindset + Imperfect Action = Progress

A proper mindset is open, curious, flexible and light-hearted while keeping self-criticism and fear at bay. A proper mindset is not judgmental of people or circumstances and does not solidify the current state of affairs with ironclad stories that can never be changed.

Imperfect action is moving forward in small steps without overthinking or comparing your journey to the journey of somebody else. When you take imperfect action, you know that mistakes are necessary and also not a big deal at all, so they don't get you down. Imperfect action is doing your best with what you've got in this very moment.

Progress is movement that improves the circumstance of your soul as well as the souls of others. Progress does not exploit Mother Earth, other human beings or animals for the sake of one's own ego, celebrity or pocketbook.

Apply this equation to any area of life where you would like to make progress and watch magic happen

Open Letter To The Stylist Who Told My Client To Stop Lifting Because She Is Getting "Bulky"

Dear Stylist,

You and I have a friend in common. I’ll call her Bella.

Like she is with you, Bella is both my dear friend and my client. I help her with her health and fitness. You help her with her hair and clothing.

Bella and I have been working together for nearly 4 years. During that time I have seen her make tremendous progress in her physicality and her mindset. When we first started working together she struggled with regular bouts of severe pain, the remnants of old injuries and traumas. Bella and I have worked together with dedication and through many setbacks to strengthen her musculoskeletal system and balance her nervous system. I have spoken with her about the biopsychosocial model of pain and the ways in which stress, negative self-talk and poor nutrition affect her pain levels. She has taken it all to heart and made sincere efforts on several fronts toward greater wellness.

And she is succeeding! Over the past two years in particular she has spent far fewer days flattened by pain. I know this because it is my job as her coach to keep track of whether my programming is effective or not. Bella can now deadlift and squat like a champ, pushes hard during her workouts without having to stop due to pain, makes healthier food choices and talks way less shit about her own body in general. These are huge strides.


But, but, but…

Yesterday Bella told me that you, Dear Stylist, told her that she needs to stop lifting weights because she is getting “beefy” or “bulky” or…I can’t remember what inane word you used, but I know it was not kind. You were mean-spirited and shallow and short-sighted and selfish when you told our mutual friend that you are “having trouble fitting her into clothes” because her back is getting broader.

Need I remind you that our friend has used strength training as a tool to get herself out of PHYSICAL PAIN?! Those big, broad back muscles that you disdain are her Latissimi Dorsi and they are big part of the reason Bella does not hurt as much as she used to. Not to mention the fact that those muscles are sexy as hell. Slip Bella into a backless dress and see how many heads she turns!

When I try a movement with a client and it doesn’t work for her ~ maybe it causes pain or is uncoordinated and inefficient ~ it is my job to choose a new exercise that suits her. It’s the exercise that is wrong for her body, not her body that is wrong for the exercise.

The same holds true for your work. It is not the woman’s job to shape her body to fit a dress. It is your job to find a dress that makes her look and feel beautiful.

Besides, anybody who knows anything about fashion knows that ready-to-wear clothing doesn’t fit anybody perfectly. Tim Gunn speaks about this often, and I was 17 years old when I learned this priceless lesson from Vogue magazine: Having your clothes altered to fit you correctly is one of the secrets to looking like a million bucks. Yep that’s right, even Vogue 20 years ago was acknowledging that every woman’s body is uniquely shaped.

If a meathead gymrat like me knows this fashion secret, I am certain that a sophisticated stylist like you knows it too.

I could tell that your comment hurt Bella. I could see her doubting her hard work, wondering if her body is in fact unattractive, undesirable. I wonder how your comments might negatively impact her eating habits and her self-talk. I wonder if she is fact considering giving up strength training.

It will be a shame if she does stop lifting and opts instead for an exercise modality that makes her body smaller in the places that you want her body to be smaller such as lots of cardio or barre classes or hot yoga or whatever silly craze is currently being marketed to women with the help of internalized misogyny and the myth that a woman’s worth is based solely on how dainty, quiet and small she can be.

If Bella were to stop lifting, she would lose both muscle and bone. This is a serious issue, especially for women as we can easily lose 1 - 2 % of our bone mineral density as we age. In the 5 to 10 years after menopause, we can lose as much as 4% of our bone mineral density. This is the path to osteoporosis.

I know it can be hard for a woman obsessed with preserving the superficial and fleeting beauty of youth to imagine a vibrant, sexy and fulfilling life after menopause, but for women who keep their bodies strong, their minds engaged, their spirits curious and their hearts open, life only deepens and expands with age. As we age, the quality of our lives is directly related to the robusticity of our tissues ~ strong muscles and bones mean more activity and less reliance on others for the daily tasks of life.

And I’ll tell you this for certain: There is nothing sexy about falling and breaking your hip, even if you do it while fitting perfectly into a ready-to-wear size 2.

I could go on, write at length about the how strength training improves mental health, cognitive function, sex drive and sleep, regulates insulin, growth hormone and cortisol, keeps your metabolism stoked and so much more.

Instead I’ll finish with a reminder that is so obvious I feel trite writing it: Being a woman in this time and place, in this world that overlooks us, sees us as second-rate, as property, as aesthetic fluff, is really REALLY hard. Women need to be a source of comfort and strength to one another. We need to reflect and remind each other of our innate value, not cut each other down.

I’m implore you, Dear Stylist, please stop with the shallow, stop with the hurtful, stop trying to make women smaller.

And women everywhere, can we please once and for all stop listening to and stop retelling these demeaning narratives? Can we please stop obsessing about body size and instead focus on building authentic, meaningful, loving lives? Can we please get onto the work of living that actually matters?

As always,
Yours in bulkiness,


A Poem For The Eclipse

On the day the moon went
forward of the sun, she woke again,
a Monday, vowed again to
her best with what she had
~ just a little bit ~
knowing that most things
she does not know. A prayer again:
"Make me a vessel, empty
and clear. May truth flow
through and kindness too." It is
a tender thing to try not
for perfect, but for simple and soft
progress is not what it seems.

Hello From Here

Writer's block? Dance. Bright idea? Dance. Bored? Dance. Anxious? Dance. Mad at your boo? Dance. Desire your boo? Dance. Feeling concerned for the future of humanity? Dance. Feeling hopeful for the horizon? Dance. Standing under an eclipse? Dance. Watching the news? Dance. Waiting for the bus? Dance. Waiting for payday? Dance. Riding on a star? Dance. Crumbling down? Dance. Dance dance dance dance dance.